Wednesday, February 14, 2018
You should be loved.
I don’t care if you’re single, married, in a relationship, wondering what if, out on your first date, have lots of friends, are happy that you have lots of cats, or just lookin’. You should be loved. No, this isn’t some Valentine’s push to get all the lonely hearts hooked up. I happen to be one of those freaks who really enjoyed being single. Of course, I really enjoy being in a relationship too. Regardless, what I’m saying here is, you should be loved.
We don’t deserve to be loved. That's a ridiculous concept, and I‘m tired of hearing people say that. Oh, settle down and just listen. I’ve never much cottoned to someone saying, “You’re such a good person. You deserve to be loved!” As if love is a reward. As if love is an extra beer by way of saying thanks for mowing the lawn. Love isn’t on the same level as, “I’ve worked out every day this week. I deserve to indulge in a little dessert.” No, we don’t deserve love - it isn't an award.
We should be loved. Simple as that.
I was folding laundry and I felt his eyes on me. I looked up. “I love you,” he said. I was ready to reply with our usual style of banter and say something like, “Yeah, only because I washed the skid marks out of your undies.” But the look in his eyes stopped me, and I only smiled. Well, I gave him the smile.
We should be adored.
We should be adored, not because our bodies are in perfect condition, or because we have great hair, skin and teeth, or because we’re smart, or funny, or because we did something nice. We should be adored because something about us sitting there in our old sweats, hair knotted up in an ancient scrunchy, doing some every day, mundane task… something about us says, “I’m here and so alive.”
We should be treasured.
We should be treasured not for the car we drive, or the way we dress, or the house we own, or the furniture we have, or for the material things we bring to the table, or the kindnesses we do without even thinking about them. We should be treasured because we have a way of being “there” in each others lives even when we’re not right there.
I know, you’re rolling your eyes right now. You’re giving me that look that says, “See? Yeah. You’ve got Mr. Perfect. It’s easy for you.” It’s not. Mr. Perfect is human and so am I, and we‘re prone to all kinds of human-type flaws. Besides, it’s not the relationship that is significant here. I could just as easily be writing about friendships that touch my life in that same way. I could write about family that touches my life that same way. Well, that's really what I am doing. I can also tell you that I try to treat myself the same way. Yes, I know I'm flawed and, trust me, I don't always get her and I'm not always nice to her, but I do love her.
Nobody knows as well as I do how difficult it can be to look in the mirror and say, “You are loved. You are adored. You are treasured. You are loved by me. You are adored by me. You are treasured by me.” It took me a long time to even say it. It took me a year before I started to believe it. But once I did believe it? Oh, the amazing, surprising, humbling, profound stuff that started rolling my way… my Beloved was part of that "stuff". He came along after I figured out that I should be loved. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the things he does for me and the beautiful person he is in my life if I didn’t believe that I should be loved, that I should be adored, that I should be treasured.
We are love. We should be loved. We should give love. It's the ultimate superpower, so start throwing that stuff around. But first, you should be loved...